Ambitions as a Writer

Another night, another memory of you goes by. How many memories do we have together and how many days are left in my life? Would it be a shame if I’m not able to relive these vivid images of good times forgotten or would it be a blessing not having to re-live through the hurt of those bad choices? I’ve never been afraid of the dark but then I’ve realize that the only thing scary about the night is that my mind runs rampant when there’s nothing else to think about. It conjures up the forgotten stages of our past relationship and as I scream for someone to save me, it feels like I’m drowning in my thoughts and emotions and while these thoughts hang like a cold eerie fog, the only source of warmth and comfort that I once knew is standing above me as I fall deeper into the abyss. While your eyes pierce through me, the warm heartbeats radiate from your chest and for a second I’m torn between the cold glare that you gave me and the inviting warmth that your heart whispered as I continued sinking. Waking up with sweat falling off my face, I was disappointed. Not at the fact that I wanted any of this to happen but in my nightmare, the pain felt real whereas right now in my present state I feel… numb. Unable to sense physical pain, my heart resumes to hurt. As much as I refrain from looking back I realized that a lot of the arguments could’ve been avoided but then again I’d much rather argue with you than not hear your voice at all. Ah, your voice rings through my head like the church bells that we’ll never hear. The smell of your clothes and hair stains my nose like the smell of the roses that litter the alter’s walkway that I’ll never smell. The reflection of me in your eyes will never reflect off the polished surface of the ring that I’ll never present to you. Although I’m hurt, I’m not discouraged. For all I know, this may be temporary as if one faithful day, I’ll wake up with you tucked comfortably under my arms - the one true place that you’re meant to fill.

posted on 31.01.12

Losing someone isn’t always the easiest thing yet it doesn’t have to be the most painful. So the quote goes, “any pain lasting more than 12 minute is self-inflicted”. To be honest, I don’t know if it’s universal truth but to me, it’s a reminder that I’ve learned something valuable. We make mistakes in hopes that we can truly learn from them and better ourselves and those around us. Mistakes doesn’t make a man but a man is a man for he makes mistakes. On that philosophical shit? Eh. I think the term “experience” sounds a lot more suitable. Making mistakes in life is as natural as the blood that courses through your body and with that — I bleed mistakes.

posted on 31.01.12

Happy Chinese New Years, y’all :)

posted on 23.01.12

posted on 21.01.12

Some resort to smoking, some resort to writing. Others vent and others keep their mouths shut but no matter what - we all have an outlet to our problems. I haven’t been posting because lately life has been good but as I go into the new year, I’ll share what I’ve experienced in life and of course there can’t be bads with the goods. Strangely, it feels good to be back. Hello, tumblr.

posted on 21.01.12

posted on 06.06.11